Tuesday, November 11, 2014

ETA: Bonus! Western Expansion

Today's document from Section 002 is here.

Today's document from Section 007/L32 is here. 

Post a revised version of one of the thesis statements in the comments, and I'll count it as a "bonus" blog participation. No harm if you don't do it, but it will make up for one missed post.

Bonus will be available until November 18.



39 comments:

  1. I tried to revise thesis # 6 of our section.

    Social, racial and economic confrontations in the 19th century preceded the Western land acquisition. The American nation changed dramatically through Manifest Destiny, debates on slavery, gold rush and railroad expansion challenging the country’s stability.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can you condense the second sentence? You say that it changed dramatically in the first clause, but don't explain how until the end. I think you could make this even stronger by reorganizing the sentence.

      Delete
    2. Absolutely, I will reorganize the sentence. I hope the following represents a stronger thesis statement.

      Social, racial, and economic confrontations in the 19th century preceded the Western land acquisition. The country's stability was challenged and dramatic changes occurred influenced by Manifest Destiny,debates on slavery, gold rush, and railroad expansion.

      Delete
  2. REVISED VERSION OF THESIS STATEMENT #3:
    The Western expansion of the 19th century presented prosperity for American society through economic growth, political advancements and geographical expansion which leaded to the development of a stronger united nation.

    (By stronger united nation I am thinking about the expansion of the nation, the California Gold Rush which created more jobs and diversity because it brought more immigrants as well as the Oregon trail which improved and facilitated transportation).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You've indicated a clear change (prosperity) but I wonder if these things really created a more united country. Was the nation in the 1850s more or less united than it had been in the 1840s or 1830s?

      Delete
  3. I attempted to revise thesis statement # 7

    A. (Before): Western Expansion transformed the American nation by raising questions of slavery- whether the new states were deemed slave or free, questions about Manifest Destiny- men and women seeking new job opportunities out west and its effect on the economy, and questions about relations with nearby territories which ultimately led to conflict with Mexico.

    B. (After): Throughout the Westward Expansion the concerns on abolishing slavery, the opposite genders seeking for western employment opportunities during the Manifest Destiny, and building connections with nearby territories which eventually caused a war with Mexico revolutionized the American nation and economy.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I tried to revise thesis # 1, in section 007/L32:
    Western Expansion not only caused America’s opposition on slavery but also aided in dramatic increases in economic and territorial growth.

    Revised Version:
    There were both advantages and disadvantages to the Western Expansion; although America did prosper both financially and territorially, they were divided amongst themselves for their varying opinion on the abolition of slavery.

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    Replies
    1. What changed over time? What was the nation like before Western Expansion, and what was different afterwards?

      Delete
  5. Revision of Thesis Statement #5:

    Although American society increased with a large number of incoming immigrants and more land was available due to Western Expansion, the issue of slavery became more and more prominent, causing the start of sectionalism and starting the formation opposing sides in the United States over whether slavery should be abolished or not.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did Western Expansion introduce the idea of abolition, or did it change a movement that already existed?

      Delete
  6. Original thesis #6 in section 007/L32:
    Western Expansion transformed the American nation by changing the ways race, slavery and immigration were interpreted causing the weakening of the nation and further aiding division and sectionalism.

    Revised:
    Western Expansion transformed the American nation through immigration, interpretation of race and domestic policies, increasing the importance of slavery as an issue that forced sectionalism, leading to the Civil War.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Revision of:
    "Western Expansion transformed the American nation by changing the ways race, slavery and immigration were interpreted causing the weakening of the nation and further aiding division and sectionalism. "

    REVISED:
    New interpretations of race, slavery, and immigration brought on by Western Expansion weakened the American nation by increasing the sectionalism and division of the United States.

    ReplyDelete
  8. 3-Western Expansion transformed American nation through economy growth political division and geographical expansion

    Revised: The Western Expansion helped the American nation with major factors such as political division, acquisition of new territory and the growth of their economy, leading to a more advanced and prospective country.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can you clarify what you mean by "more advanced and prospective country?" These terms are not immediately clear to me, and you will have a clearer thesis with a stronger argument.

      Delete
  9. Original thesis number six: Western Expansion transformed the American nation by changing the ways race, slavery and immigration were interpreted causing the weakening of the nation and further aiding division and sectionalism.

    Revised: Due to a changing interpretation and understanding of the practices of slavery, meaning of race, and ideals of immigration, Western Expansion weakened the American nation, eventually leading it into the Civil War.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good work! You could be even more specific and identify the ways the country was weakened, but this is still a very strong statement.

      Delete
  10. Original Thesis #3 from Section 007/L32:
    Western Expansion transformed the American nation by increasing sectionalism of the north and south during the Missouri Compromise and the debate over slavery which alter the social and economic structure of society.

    Revised:
    Western Expansion transformed the American nation through the eternal debate over slavery with the introduction of the Missiouri Compromise which forced sectionalism between the North and the South forever changing the structure of society.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can you reorganize this sentence so that the change you are identifying (increased sectionalism) is at the beginning rather than the end of the sentence?

      Delete
  11. Western Expansion transformed the American nation by tipping the balance between the representation of free and slave states within Congress, creating new modes of transportation, and promoting the idea of Manifest Destiny.



    The addition of the land gained through westward expansion during the 1840s tipped the balance between representation of free and slave states within congress. This imbalance allowed for the divide in the union that brought about the civil war.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is a much stronger argument, but it seems that the only point you will discuss in the essay is the addition of land. What about transportation and Manifest Destiny?

      Delete
  12. ORIGINAL
    8. Western Expansion transformed the American nation by causing tension between free and slave states, promoting new modes of transportation and encouraging further expansion of the United States, known as Manifest Destiny.

    REVISED

    Western Expansion transformed the American nation by tipping the balance between the representation of free and slave states within congress, creating new modes of transportation, and promoting the idea of Manifest Destiny.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Original 7: Western Expansion transformed the American nation by raising questions of slavery- whether the new states were deemed slave or free, questions about Manifest Destiny- men and women seeking new job opportunities out west and its effect on the economy, and questions about relations with nearby territories which ultimately led to conflict with Mexico.

    Revised: In the 19th century, western expansion transformed American society with debates regarding laws on slavery, disputes on territory with Mexico, and the Manifest Destiny and its impact on the economy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Transformed American society in what ways? From what to what?

      Delete
  14. 6. Western Expansion transformed the American nation by changing the ways race, slavery and immigration were interpreted causing the weakening of the nation and further aiding division and sectionalism.

    Revised: The concerns of people's rights based on the interpretations of race, slavery and immigration weakened the American society during the Western Expansion and led to an expansion of sectionalism and division within the United States.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There is a clear argument here, but the sentence is a little awkward to read. Can you condense and reorganize?

      Delete
  15. Emmanuel Maldonado Thesis:

    4. Western Expansion transformed the American nation through Manifest Destiny, the Mexican War and the California gold rush.

    4 (Revised). During the 19th Century, Western Expansion transformed American society. An era of great wealth was brought by California Gold rush. Conflict and turmoil rose through the Mexican War. And Manifest Destiny began to assume its role as an inherent practice, altering the nation forever.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In what ways was American society transformed? What was it like before Western Expansion, and how was it different after?

      Delete
  16. Original thesis #6:
    Western Expansion transformed the American nation by changing the ways race, slavery and immigration were interpreted causing the weakening of the nation and further aiding division and sectionalism.

    Revised thesis:
    An increase in division and sectionalism in the American nation was transformed by interpretations of immigration, race, and slavery induced by the Western Expansion.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Strong argument, but a little awkward sentence construction. Can you revise for clarity/readability?

      Delete
  17. Original: Western Expansion transformed the American nation by increasing sectionalism of the north and south during the Missouri Compromise and the debate over slavery which alter the social and economic structure of society.

    Revised: The American nation was transformed by western expansion with the increase of sectionalism of both the north and southern region that took place during the Missouri Compromise due to the debate over slavery which resulted in social and economic changes of society.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What kind of changes/transformation? From what to what?

      Delete
  18. Western Expansion not only caused America’s opposition on slavery but also aided in dramatic increases in economic and territorial growth

    Western expansion transformed the American nation in various ways: enlargen the nation's territory, increased the economic growth, and positively changed the view of the minorities such as slaves and immigrants.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Original: Western expansion transformed the American nation by causing tension between free and slave states, promoting new modes of transportation and encouraging further expansion of the United States, known as Manifest Destiny.

    Revised: Manifest Destiny; the notorious encouragement of expanding the United states towards the west, helped to transform America by leading to the promotion of new modes of transportation but unfortunately raised issues such as the development of tension between the free and slave states.

    ReplyDelete